it’s in the smoke that pours from my mouth. it buries itself into you there is no escape. i’m floating over nothing. scared that i’ll drop. what else can i do? this is the life i have chosen.
she’s a clean, white, blank slate. handed to me with no instructions. what am I to do? she’s stumbling around my past mistakes. dangerously teetering on the edge. eyes wide with what she does not know. can’t she see why I want her safe? why I cannot allow her to tag along? so young. so safe. the world is raging at her window, but all she can see is blue skies. am I to...
introduce chili peppers bouncing into the room to a to-tilly-tally-wally beat, tune, song hand over the maracas, mama cita. just because my spanish is next to none does not mean the salsa is yours to dance step aside! for mexico is inches away.
I step in carrying last night on my chest. The hot steam begins lightening my burden, scolding water sends sweet shivers sliding down my spine. Soapy bubbles pop away the chlorine, from the pool party with spiked Gatorade. Facial cleanser scrubs off my makeup imprints. Shampoo to rid my hair of the scent of shisha. Turn the water off and I still feel filthy, covered in the tattoos of what...
Lavender Sugar Cookies and Tea.
Writing with these treats to keep me company.
I face the mirror.
But I can’t even look myself in the eye.
If you like Batman, the Joker, and awesome,... →
we went hiking and you stopped me. “look,” you whispered. and I saw the wind rustling the green. how did I miss that? you open my eyes to the things I once missed.
what are you? why am i so buzzed? amy puffed and i inhaled. smoke in the hallway leading to a dark, empty bed. i stare down whoever, and covet the spout. God, i just want to feel for once. bow my head and iiiiiiiin, in goes the magic. the sweet shisha. diana giggles too much and bradley thinks he’s a badass. height doesn’t matter, when you’re in the clouds with...
I can act like an idiot around you and you will just laugh and the two of us will live young and free.
too many screens.
drifting to sleep, my crazed little beastie boys. in the dark of the morning I shall run, head down and breath shallow. this is what I look forward to. “I’m gonna knock you out! mama said” how you like me nooowww? kickin’ it old school on this barbecue of a futon. hush, now, mama said cool j. two L’s are better than none.
do my makeup yes, yes nice, nice. outfit? Mmm, decent, I’d say. Sanity? oh, straight out the door, I’m afraid.
thinking of school makes me want to barf. and pound my head against the wall. fuck. everything.
the perks of being a wallflower.
if someone ever bought me this, i would love them forever. I can never find it in stores. Always. Sold. Out. And it’s my favorite book.
for my future daughter.
stay young. be a child for as long as you can. have no regrets. know that you’re loved. and when you get your heart broken, know that God is preparing a truly amazing man for you. and he’s perfect. you don’t need any boy who wants you to change. girls can be bitches. we know exactly what to say to wound. but don’t let them turn you into one of them. live and...
I just want to hide away. wrap myself in a blanket, and linger in that beautiful place between sleep and awake. find my way in the haze of love and loss. give myself a rest. find out who comes looking for me. I just want to escape.
being a girl.
sometimes i hate being a girl. watching myself over think everything.
i know it's wrong.
this flirting. the teasing. the fluttering lashes and seconds too long stares. but…. but you’re flirting back. you know it’s unrealistic, too. so what are we doing? this dance should end. we should go back to being nothing. we really should…
honesty. (thoughts from an emotional drunk)
I need to be honest. I still don’t like it. I don’t like the fact that my two of my best friends are dating. I know that they’re happy. That makes me happy. But I don’t see them anymore. And when I do…. It’s painful. To realize that everything has changed. They said it wouldn’t…. hasn’t. But if nothing has changed, then where have you...
I look at my face, dolled up, lashes dark and smoked. Mess up my hair, wondering what to do with it. Analyze my closet. All the money I’ve spent. What these clothes say. Who they turn me into. Look how far I’ve come. I’ve grown up too fast.
the process of looking Beautiful can take all day. it’s worth it. trust me.
I always loved cars. Motorcycles, too. So when I met Billy and he told me he owned a bike, I practically fell in love. But he forgot to mention the drugs, the theft, and the parol. Yeah, he left that part out on our first encounter. But I couldn’t help but love him. Even when I got calls asking to drive down to some warehouse and pick him up at three in the morning. Even when he would come home...
why does it feel like no one wants to be around me? do they think I’m strong enough to need no one? Because, I’m not. … I’m not.
i remember she always drank chocolate milk. excuse herself to pour more. more milk. and we’d slide our glasses up our noses as if they helped us to see. as if they even worked. then down we’d dive. down, down, down, deeper still, into the abyss of ourselves. break out the pens, the paper, the people. writing and writing. i can’t do this without her. i...
ah, new hampshire.
you hold so many memories.
cotton in my ears.
i can’t hear a damn thing.
he told me to close my eyes. I grew silent when he whispered, “surprise.” in my hands he placed the gift. the pulse of my heart grew loud and swift. a cactus, looking dry and weak, took away my ability to speak. “it’s lovely,” I told him in a quiet voice. he said it all came down to a choice. there was one with a flower atop it’s head. but one little...
one hour and then I’ll be gone. one hour and you won’t miss me. one hour and I’ll disappear. one hour.
I watch like a child, As a blossom unfolds. It sighs with delight, Unfurling its petals. Content and crisp. The world has turned green. Pulsing with fresh life. Starting over. Dance in the rain, Before the summer heat, Cracks and dries up, Colors and earth.
phone chirps. the nightlife is calling, whispering and lulling me out into its dark and mysterious paths. I’d go with you, my love. if only I could.
I hold the razor in my hand. Breathing. No, stop over thinking it. Just….. Just do it! Turn it on. It rumbles in my hand. Force myself to lift it. Against the edge of my hair. Just shave it. All of it. Breathing. Breathing.
caught your eye on a dark occasion and started to flee. flight and hunger were all I knew until you set the world aflame.
A good poet is a drunk poet
make up your mind.
the cold burns. sunlights sends shivers. what do you want?
wipe away the Fog. blue eyes stare back. analyzing. cold. I wish to be someone else. why can’t I look like the women I see around Me? I will never be good enough. Hmph. don’t have Time to worry in this life.
I spoke about you today. For the first time in… a while, I guess. I wonder… No. No, I know you don’t remember me. But that’s probably best. Now it can remain… a memory. Plain and simple. A moment in time, that I can either bring back, or push aside. Where are you, David? Where are you….?
blisters and bruises. i’ve got you covered, because we’re friends and who else will watch our backs?
just in case.
There’s this poem I wrote… a long time ago. … About a boy. And it wasn’t… it wasn’t a very good poem. Not really. No, not at all. But the boy, well, now… HE was something… Something truly special. Near and dear to me. To this day, I still have that poem. Tucked away. It will probably… Never… See the light of day. No,...
I wrote you love songs. Heartbreak and fairytales. Papers and papers, All different sizes and hues, And they’re all for you. What if I gave them all to you? Sent them in the mail, And never saw you again. Would that solve everything? Could I then be rid, Of your ghost?
Woke up to blue skies. Good mornings and good byes. Turn my head and he was gone. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been conned. Left a note under the door. He carved our names into the hard-wood floor. I mourn my losses, count my wounds. He promised to come back and kiss me soon. So, so, so. I’ll wait.
mascara on my pillowcase.
I keep crying. Why do I keep crying? The night brings on the memories. The really painful ones. Holds me ransom. I want to forget. I want to sleep.
happy valentine's day.
Being single doesn’t mean I’m alone. I’m never alone. I have my family. My sister. My friends. And the love of my life. God.
a perfect world.
captainhookloveswendy: you and i are together, not a thousand miles away. we own a ship, a boat, a shack, just anything, as long as it’s we. there is no alone in we. no one is alone, truly.
tattooed. on my heart this kindred spirit has left. she is air to me. this feeling of suffocation has gone on far too long, don’t you think? inked. this skin has been torn and rubbed raw to make way for another. a sister to heal the hurt. the scars. where is she? this beauty? jem amongst sand. i love her.
I don’t know whether to smile or cry. Why is this so hard? I think I like you… I really think so. But how can I not be sure? Is it you? Is it me? Or is it the fact that I had my heart crushed? I got hurt by someone else. And now I’m scared to try again. What if you’re leading me on, too? What if you’re not who you say you are. The last boy was pretty...
out of the shower.
I still write our names in the condensation. i stare at them side by side in the foggy mirror. and i wonder why everything changed. a swipe of the hand, and our names disappear. i turn out the light and close the door behind me.
hours in the day.
there are not enough. i strive for nothing. for time.